Universal Butter
by pokemypocky
Summary: Cloud, Zack, and Sephiroth are all sitting down to dinner, and Sephiroth does something kind of gross...


_**I do not own "Final Fantasy VII" or any of the characters in this story.**_

**"Universal Butter"**

"Pass the chicken," Zack said as he pointed to the said dish of food.

Cloud handed him the large platter, and Zack took it.

"Thanks," he replied.

Sephiroth brought over the plate of rolls and butter dish over to the table and sat down to being eating his dinner.

Over the course of the next fifteen minutes, all three SOLDIER boys were quiet as they consumed their meal. Zack drank three glasses of iced-tea, Sephiroth was on his second mug of ginger-ail, and Cloud drank... milk.

Sephiroth was also on his third bun, and as he motioned to take his napkin from the table, he didn't notice that his knife was right on top of it, and when he picked it up, he dropped his knife on the floor. "Oops," he said, looking down at his knife on the floor.

Cloud pushed his chair out and stood up. "Don't get up, Seph. I'll get you another knife." He grabbed the knife off of the floor and walked over to the kitchen sink, then opened the silver ware drawer.

Sephiroth shrugged as he grabbed yet another role and the putter dish. He used his fork to scoop up a nice plop of butter and spread it on his role. As he ate, he noticed that Zack was looking at him with an eyebrow raised. "What?" he asked with a full mouth.

"Dude... You just put your fork in the butter," Zack replied in a low, disgusted voice.

"... So?" Sephiroth asked.

Zack rolled his eyes. "_So_, you put your fork in your mouth before you put it in the butter that everyone uses. Couldn't you have waited until Cloud brought your knife over before you did that?"

Cloud came back to the table and sat down, handing Sephiroth the new knife. "What's going on?"

Zack shot a thumb over at Sephiroth. "Seph used his fork to get butter for his role."

"Eww!" Cloud exclaimed as he looked at Sephiroth in shock. "You put your fork in the universal butter?!"

Sephiroth laughed out loud. "What?!" he asked through his laughter.

Cloud nodded. "Everyone uses this butter, therefore, it's universal. And you but your mouth germs on it!"

"Oh, come on! It's not big deal! Besides... it's not universal butter. It's Midgar Margerine. It says so on the box!"

Zack pointed both index fingers above the butter dish. "But once the butter leaves the box and is placed on the dish, it automatically becomes universal butter. That means it's everbody's butter, and not everybody wants to be graced with your mouth germs on their food."

Sephiroth sighed out of frustration. "Okay, I know a way to solve this problem." He grabbed the butter dish and sat it next to his plate. "This is no longer universal butter. This is now _my_ butter, because I put my rancid mouth germs on it! If you want more butter, go to the fridge and get more for yourselves!"

Cloud shook his head. "That's not the point--"

"Of course it's not! The point is that it's not big deal to use a fork to scoop up your butter!"

"But it spreads germs, Sephiroth!" Zack shivered. "Yucky germs!"

Sephiroth rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll never do it again. Happy now?"

The two men made no reply, and looked down at their plates.

"Good," Sephiroth replied as they all resumed their meal. Then, he grinned. "By the way, I caught Cloud drinking out of the universal milk jug this morning."

Zack's eyes bugged out. "You what?!" he exclaimed at Cloud.

Cloud made an angry face at Sephiroth. "Thanks a lot!"

"Hey, you yelled at me over the butter. I didn't think that you should be left out."

"Yes, but there was proof of your nastiness on the butter! I would have gotten away with the milk thing!"

Zack gagged. "Thank goodness I decided on iced-tea with my dinner tonight. Don't do it again, Cloud!"

Poor Cloud felt as though he had been scolded, and looked down at his plate as he continued to eat. "Well, as long as we're all making confessions, I'd like to point out that Zack was using the universal hand towel on his sweaty face this morning!"

Sephiroth's eyes widened. "Not the embroided pink towel beside the sink that I like so much." (HA! Sephiroth loves pink!)

Cloud nodded.

Sephiroth glared at Zack, who held his hands up in defense. "Hey, we were all out of paper towels, and I needed to get my face clean!"

Sephiroth sighed as he plopped his napkin down on the table. "Okay guys, enough of this universal stuff. We all need to learn to share. After all, we live together! Can we do that, please?"

Cloud and Zack sighed, then nodded.

Sephiroth smiled proudly. "Good... Now, who wants more chicken?

**THE END**


End file.
